I'm a "can't-er." There, I said it. God has made me, in His goodness, an encourager of others, but when it comes to myself, the resonating screams of "I can't" often bounce wildly around my brain. Then from my brain into my soul, until I'm forgetting the One who ALWAYS can. The forgetting is never, ever a good thing.
I was talking to my mother-in-law, whom I aptly refer to as my mother-in-love, last night. She is such a beautiful example of grace and wisdom. She tells the truth seasoned with such humility, it's truly remarkable. Anyway, She mentioned to me that artists are often deep thinkers who use creativity as an outlet. This obviously makes sense, but it really struck a chord in me.
When started painting a few years ago I was just beginning to understand being in the thick of a full-time wife/mom. I traded my Chuck Taylors and clinic hours, for diapers and 24/7 crazy-mommy lady. Point being, I spent a great deal of time serving others, and lost most (almost all) time for understanding or expressing myself. While I wouldn't change one iota of that gift (children now up to three :)), I can see how painting made its way to the surface. The first little painting I did was completely freeing, but when I thought of others seeing it, the "I can'ts" were flying. Fastforward to actually painting for others... oh, what my poor family and friends had to hear come from this self-conscious nitwit.
To be honest, I still deal with the "I can'ts," but there was a BIG change this spring. I let go and said, "If when I paint I'm only worried if You'll be pleased, Lord, then I can paint whatever I want." LIBERATING. SO, amazingly liberating. If my only criteria is that I paint to honor the Lord, then it doesn't much matter if one ever sells or if Bobby down the street thinks I'm a total lune-ball who paints things that look like his dog barfed up. I am, for the record, I lune-ball, but I hope my paintings don't make people think of dog vomitus.
For Pete's sake with the digression, SORRY. Anyway, I wanted to see if I could do detailed landscape with lots of color because *I* can't even cut straight with scissors. But, with Christ, I can do anything He allows.
****Side note: We can do ALL things through Christ, in His will, with His permission, for His Glory. I'm definitely not saying, that when you become a Christian you can do whatever the dickens you want- sometimes including good, awesome Godly things. But, when you know and love the Lord, I do believe He delights in blessing us in ways that bring us joy. Accomplishing an "I can't" brought me immense joy.
Mooooving on :)
Years ago if I were able to see this painting I would have most certainly said, "I couldn't do that." And back then, I couldn't. I hadn't tasted and seen the goodness of God as I am presently. I didn't have the Godly confidence to paint that then. I will look back on this moment, too, Lord willing, and see how His love has made me grow/mature in my heart and my art.
I've learned just as this little cabin is tucked away in nature's splendor, our souls have potential waiting to be unleashed, As we surrender and lean into God, may we experience His intricately personal "All things through Christ."
**if you're interested in purchasing this painting or a print, please contact me at: erinobrienart@gmail.com.
"Tucked Away"
20"x16" Acrylic on stretched canvas
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